9 Month Reflection: Wisdom of Henri Nouwen

From Henri Nouwen`s book, ¡Gracias! A Latin American Journal:

''More and more, the desire grows in me simply to walk around, greet people, enter their homes, sit on their doorsteps, play ball, throw water, and be known as someone who wants to live with them.  

It is a privilege to have the time and the freedom to practice this simple ministry of presence…

 It is difficult not to have plans...not to feel that you are working directly for social change. 

But I wonder more and more if the first thing shouldn't be to know people by name, to eat and to drink with them, to listen to their stories, and to tell your own, and to let them know with words, handshakes, and hugs that you do not simply like them, but truly love them.''

 "If anything has affected me deeply since I have been living in [Mount Sinai], it has been the children. 

I have recalled that since my eighteenth year I have not been around children... Yet here I am surrounded by boys and girls running up to me, giving me kisses, climbing up to my shoulders, throwing balls at me, and constanly asking for some sign of interest in their lives. 

The children always challenge me to live in the present.  

 They want me to be with them here and now, and they find it hard to understand that I might have other things to do or think about... I marvel at their ability to be fully present to me. 

 

Their uninhibited expression of affection and their willingness to receive it pull me directly into the moment and invite me to celebrate life where it is found."

Stations of the Cross in Mount Sinai

My reflection on the Passion story of Ecuador…

“Contemplating the suffering and death of Christ intensifies our union with him. It should also draw us to know and love the crucified people of today” - Dean Brackley, SJ

1st Station: Jesus is condemned to death.
The people of Mount Sinai know what it is to be condemned; many were condemned before they were even born. We do not choose our family, our nationality, our gender, our ethnicity. Many are fighting since birth just to live.

Three infants cry in hunger, screaming for their bottle at noon as they still haven’t eaten that day, not understanding why they have nothing to eat. A one year old screams “agua” (water), possibly her first word, as the water truck passes by her road and refuses to come down to distribute water because of the flooding. The seven siblings down the street play with old tires and rocks in the puddles.

Women are socialized to feel and believe in this machista culture that says they are worthless. They are in relationships that hinder their freedom, talent, self-esteem, and independence. They do not have the same opportunities in life, the same freedom in life as men. Women are trapped and life options are cut.

People of all genders, ages, ethnicities etc are vulnerable to disease, exclusion from education, chronic hunger and under nutrition, lack of access to basic amenities such as clean water and sanitation, and environmental degradation.

2nd Station: Jesus accepts his cross.
Jesus carries his cross, just as millions of people do in the present day – accepting the world and its troubles and burdens as it is, not as we would have it to be.

Ecuadorians are very open about their lives and their struggles with us. “I cannot put food on the table for my family.” “I may not be able to afford the increasing school tuition.” “I have a loveless marriage.” “The flooding filled my home and destroyed everything.” They carry their crosses, they share their crosses.

3rd Station: Jesus falls for the first time.
My neighbors, like Jesus, know what it is to struggle under the weight of their cross, to sit powerless and vulnerable.

A 91-year old woman describes the persisting back pain that keeps her crutched over in her hammock, but there is no money to pay for medicine. The $50 per month that she gets from the bono (a welfare program of Ecuador) she puts towards making sure her grandchildren have a meal before going to school. A husband sits at home, two months unemployed now, as the debt at the food stand down the street increases to $150 – they will not be able to keep buying soon. Homes are destroyed in the flooding and families do not have enough time to recuperate before the next storm hits – they are sitting ducks as nature exposes their vulnerability.

4th Station: Jesus meets his sorrowful mother.
Jesus finds the strength to continue in the face of his grieving mother. We live in a mothered world with a God that watches over us, protects us, cries for us, and loves us like a mother. We meet the face of a sorrowful mother, a sorrowful God, in acts of kindness and love that give the means and the will to continue forward.

Families who have lost everything – clothing, homes, and food – in the flooding find refuge at local churches that open their doors for families to live temporarily. Anonymous donations and the work of non-profits allow families, poco a poco (bit by bit), to put their homes, their families, their lives back together.

The owner of a tiendita (a small food stand) down the street gives little children a free piece of gum or cookies occasionally when they come to buy food for their mothers, which puts a smile on their face for the rest of the day.

The director of our after-school program, a Salesian volunteer, gives high fives and words of encouragement everyday to kids who do not receive this same type of affirmation and love at home.

5th Station: Simon helps Jesus carry the cross.
Jesus feels poverty at this point, the vulnerability of not being able to carry the cross, the burden, alone. Simon serves a man in the hour of his greatest need. He reminds us that service of any kind – requested or not, enthusiastically given or not – builds the kingdom of God.

The neighbors of Mount Sinai look after one another. When somebody is out of town, a neighbor looks after their home. When single mothers need to work or young mothers continue their education, other women help watch the children. When there is a death, bingos are organized to cover the high funeral costs. Are we willing to take on the burdens and crosses of others in this same manner?

“Grieving over the crosses of the world gathers our fragmented selves, centers and heals us. When we share the sorrow of the crucified of the earth, we are no longer alone.” – Dean Brackley, SJ.

6th Station: Veronica wipes the face of Jesus.
Veronica wipes the face of a suffering man with compassion. In a world that hides and ignores and marginalizes people, how close are we willing to get?

Damien House, one of the partner foundations of Rostro de Cristo, works with patients of Hansen’s disease, more commonly known as leprosy. Sister Annie started this foundation when she saw the horrific conditions of the infectious disease wing of the hospital. Patients marginalized by misconceptions of their disease were treated as less than human and were abandoned by their families. Sister Annie has dedicated her life´s work to bringing dignity and care to Hansen´s patients and breaking down the barriers and misconceptions that marginalized them. Do we recognize the humanity of our neighbors?

7th Station: Jesus falls a second time.
Even with assistance, Jesus falls again. Even with help, even with attention, the people of Mount Sinai continue to fall.

For example, even with the focus on improving education, children still fail out and drop out. Even with increasing enrollment in the Ecuadorian schools due to the Millennium Goals placed by the UN, the quality of education still does not always properly equip students to pursue University or high-level employment. Children are still hindered by an education trap and continue to fall.

8th Station: Jesus speaks to the women of Jerusalem.
Jesus meets women here to support him. He feels their grief as they express their gratitude. He, himself, suffers knowing that he cannot remain to help them more in this life. Yet Jesus shares with them hope: “Daughters of Jerusalem, weep not for me…for behold, the days are coming...” Luke 23:27-28.

This cross reminds me of the care and support my neighbors give us volunteers. Inevitably I have received more than I can ever give back to my neighbors. The people of Mount Sinai carry many crosses, yet they choose to meet us in our struggles too.

They may be struggling financially, but any time we are sick they insist on making soups and juices to help us recuperate. They ask about how our families are doing back in the States, and act as pseudo-mothers, fathers, and siblings caring for us. They may have had a heavy day – struggling with marriage, disobedient children, finances, flooding – yet they ALWAYS take an invested interest in how our day and/or week are going. In every encounter with neighbors they speak a word of hope.

9th Station: Jesus falls the third time.
At this point, Jesus is a broken man, only able to summon the strength to continue through his inner trust in God. My neighbors in Mount Sinai summon this same strength from God.

In times of hardship, my friend relies on, leans on her relationship with God. “Life tests us so that God can prove His love for us. It is in these trials that I know God is with me.” “God gives me the strength to continue forward.” “I pray to God all of my troubles and He always helps me find a solution to the problem.” “There are some problems in life that we just don’t think we can get through, it’s easier to stop. That’s when God pushes us. Animates us. Accompanies us. And He lets us know that we can continue fighting.”

Jesus reminds us here that even in moments of complete helplessness; we can continue forward and summon this same strength.

10th Station: Jesus is stripped of his garments.
Jesus is stripped of his garments. The people of Mount Sinai are stripped of opportunity, self worth, confidence, basic needs, and dignity. They stand in complete vulnerability.

Woman, purely because of her gender, is made poor in the machista culture. One stays with a husband who is openly cheating on her because of her economic and emotional dependence in the relationship. Another will not voice her opinions or even read aloud during a Hogar de Cristo workshop, her self-confidence has been shattered throughout her life of being told, and finally believeing, she is nothing. Another lets a rape go unreported, she doesn´t have confidence to come forward against a man or have confidence in the legal system to bring forward any results.

The basic needs and services of Mount Sinai are ignored. Electricity is stolen. There is no running water – water is brought in by trucks. In the rainy season many roads are impassable and water trucks stop visiting some blocks. Families live in single-room cane homes. People suffer from common and preventable medical ailments that they cannot afford to treat.

The vulnerability of the people of Mount Sinai is constantly exposed.

11th Station: Jesus is nailed to the cross.
We witness neighbors nailed to their crosses every day.

He is crucified in the miscarriages that occur. He is crucified in the people dying of hunger and malnutrition. He is crucified in the youth joining gangs. He is crucified in the preventable diseases that go untreated and take innocent lives when medical care isn’t available. He is crucified in the people who die by electrocution due to unreliable electrical work in Sinai. He is crucified in all of those who are marginalized based on race, gender, or ethnicity.

12th Station: Jesus dies on the cross.
Jesus dies for us in love and challenges us to love our enemies. How can we be the Rostro de Cristo, the face of Christ, in the world? How can we love and forgive both our enemies and our friends and treat them with the dignity and love Jesus himself would share?

13th Station: Jesus is taken down from the cross
Jesus is taken down from the cross and Mary clings to her son. She does not retreat in defeat and helplessness. Instead she stays faithful and remains embracing her son. How may we learn to do the same in a world that is full of persecution and crucifixion?

14th Station: Jesus is laid in the tomb.
Will we remember those laid in the tombs and carry them with us? How do we do justice to the stories of the millions crucified in the present day?

Resurrection: “When an abandoned woman who is the mother of three small children laughs on her worst day ever, is she being dishonest? Or is her joy deeper than her pain? Might she know in her heart that life is worth it, despite everything? Among the poor, a fiesta is always appropriate. Is that escapism or something else? Homeless men, battered women, the young man with AIDS – they can’t always explain their smile. Are they crazy? Or is smiling in hard times an act of faith with a basis in reality? When poor folks struggle against the odds with good humor, they cannot always tell you why... Rejoicing always, despite everything is a requirement of faith – and a sign of faith. Faith denies evil and death the last word.” – Dean Brackley, SJ.

***All stories and people above are taken from my experience in Ecuador, but I chose not to include names for privacy reasons.

Puddle Jumping: Rainy Season Updates

We are now officially in the rainy season. Some weeks that means puddle jumping around the roads rock to rock attempting not to get your shoes wet (but inevitably mistaking a muddy hole for a rock and showing up to work with a trail of mud). Other weeks that means rain boots are necessary as you could be walking in knee deep water in some sections of Mount Sinai.

In particular we have had two intense storms this month where in just a couple of hours the streets were flooded. The canal behind our house floods and inundates homes – neighbors have swum out of their cane houses. Our road becomes a river with water above our waist and a strong current. Some cane homes have been completely destroyed. In the second storm I was driving our van, affectionately named Big Blue, back from the other Rostro de Cristo house in Duran. At times the water was above the tires and entering the car. Smaller cars around us stalled out and were either abandoned or pushed along. Neighbors’ appliances are breaking from water damage – many are bought on credit and they now are continuing to pay for an appliance (refrigerator, washing machines, etc) that does not even work. Beds are ruined and thrown out onto the street. Entire wardrobes are filled with mud and women work for days hand washing everything again. Random flip flops and pots are swept away by the river flowing through their homes.

Our road...a river

We have stayed safe and relatively dry – we are fortunate to be situated high enough that water does not enter our house. I have sat in this feeling of helplessness and hopelessness as the clear vulnerability of our neighbors is exploited in the rain. As a foundation we do not give any monetary support directly to families. While I agree with the value and purpose of our foundation’s mission, in these past 2 weeks I have struggled so much with being instead of doing. I want to help, I want to act. All I can do is help my friend wipe off medicine boxes as she puts back together her pharmacy, or help hang clothes up and chat while washing with neighbors.

While it has been a difficult month, Monte Sinai is resilient. The people get back up and keep moving forward, sometimes there is no other reason than that they have no other option but to fight and continue. I pray to learn from and embody this same form of resiliency. So, amidst these tragic nights of rain, there have still been reasons to celebrate during this rainy season:

 We celebrated MANY birthdays these past months. A LOT of banana breads baked!! (a couple photos above)

 As mentioned in a previous post, we took advantage of every second of Carnival, a 3 day national holiday and water fight in February.

 While 3 volunteer´s families were visiting Greg, Jimmy, and I went to the beach to reunite with his Uncle and relax on the beach.

 We are in school vacation now! I went to the graduation of one of our neighbor´s and we celebrated him being at the top of his class.

 We celebrated women for International Women´s Day in the center of Guayaquil.

We also celebrated dia de amor y Amistad (Day of love and friendship, or Valentines Day) with Greg’s family and wings! We saw the Super Bowl together – unfortunately the only entire football game I have seen this year. We’ve had two GREAT retreat groups come stay with us, College of Idaho and Fordham University. And we are working at vacation courses for the kids at our afterschool program – teaching English, Math etc. and then working in workshops (I am helping with the bracelet making workshop). It has been a quick and eventful few months.

Please keep Mount Sinai and the numerous families affected by flooding in your thoughts and prayers.

Día de la Mujer (Women´s Day)

During the past few weeks my office at Hogar de Cristo has been celebrating women in honor of International Women´s Day on March 8^th. Before explaining how we celebrated the day, here are a few of the statistics of women in Ecuador that I learned in these past few weeks:

·         8 of every 10 women in Ecuador have suffered some kind of gender-based violence

·         In the province of Guayas (where Mount Sinai is), a majority of the women have suffered violence from their partner:

(Recreated and translated from Herencia de los vulnerables)

·         90% of women who have suffered gender violence do not separate from their partner in Ecuador

·         In October 2011 alone there were 14,337 reports of intra-family violence in Guayaquil

As a woman in Mount Sinai it is difficult to report cases of violence and rape. Many don’t. Many that try never see any results. Many women are trapped in situations of economic and emotional dependency in their relationships. 

I can do nothing in my volunteer year to address the cultural and structural issues that enforce patriarchy. I actually feel pretty hopeless and helpless some days visiting neighbors and working on workshops at Hogar de Cristo. But in celebrating International Women’s Day I felt hope. Seeing all of the female community leaders fighting for a better future for their children spending the day with their daughters was inspiring.  We celebrated the recognition of our worth, our power, and our rights as women this week. 

With one of the community presidents

Celebration at San Felipe

A couple weeks early we had our own “jornada de mujeres” at the nearby San Felipe Neri school where two Rostro volunteers teach. The day consisted of songs about women, a drama performance entitled “In Her Shoes” performed by teens, and a short documentary film of the women of Mount Sinai. I by accident signed up fellow Rostro vol Miguel during our team meeting to sing and play guitar – he was great, the women gave him a standing ovation! The drama performance had a husband and wife who magically switch places (sort of like the movie Freaky Friday). In this exaggerated performance, the man comes to understand the suffering of women (and mothers) in a machista culture. At the end Alejandra asked how many women in the audience could relate to the difficult life of this woman and the initial maltreatment by her husband. At first only a few shy hands raised, but slowly almost every single hand rose. We concluded the day with a film. That week we met with different community groups of women and female community presidents and filmed responses to questions like “what rights do you have as a woman?” or “why are you valued?” etc.  At the end each group of women wrote a response to “Somos mujeres…” (We are women…) and in unison read it out loud. One example is: “Somos mujeres felices, respectadas, valorizadas. Somos mujeres poderosos” (We are happy, respected, and valued women. We are powerful women). It was cute to see how excited and then embarrassed each woman got when they saw their contribution to the film.

Celebration on the boardwalk

Hogar gave out frames with titles 

A few photos of the exposition

On the actual day, March 8^th, we traveled by bus with Hogar de Cristo employees and many women of Mount Sinai to the center of Guayaquil to celebrate. On the boardwalk was a concert and tents from many Ecuadorian foundations (including Hogar) that work with women in many different capacities (empowerment programs, microcredit, etc). From there we went to a nearby museum featuring the art project of another international Hogar volunteer. It was an exposition of photos of the women of Mount Sinai holding signs saying “Soy una mujer…” (I am a…woman). For instance “I am a fighter;” “I am a woman created in the love of God;” “I am a woman of character who survives the circumstances of life.” Most of the women featured in the exposition were at the museum for a presentation. It was very powerful to hear them speak on how they have learned and believe through this project that they are valued and loved – especially since I know about 75% of the women photographed.

Happy Women’s Day to all of the women in my life who have taught me, accompanied me, and shaped me!